Ella's Memoir Review

Hi Everyone,

I wasn't sure if we were supposed to post our peer reviews on google docs or on blogger, so I am posting my review of Ella's memoir here. She's done a great job with detail, and I think we can get a lot of good ideas from her style! -Sofia

Peer Review Questions For Memoir
Writer: Ella Hungerford
Reviewer Sofia Rittenhouse

1. Before answering any of the questions below, write your initial reaction to the story.

I love Ella’s reflections on the river itself –
the paragraph beginning with, “The rive is forgiving.”
I am somewhat puzzled by the title, as I struggle to decide if the memoir is actually about water or about Margot.

2. Does the writer tell the story adequately and clearly? Do you understand what happened? What are your questions?

I think the imagery in the story is great, especially of Aunt Margot’s hair, hat, and especially the bicycle. I understand that Margot died, but I would like to know how that happened. Perhaps another one-line sentence can be added that gives insight into her illness/fatal accident/cause of death would be helpful.

3. Does the writer interpret the significance of the event and reveal the truths that underlie it? How?

This is a story that I will have to read several times over in order to fully grasp the underlying truths about the healing presence of the river and Aunt Margot’s connection to it. I think that’s good, because I don’t like stories that spill all their “secrets” in the first read-through. I like to dig.

4. What does the memory reveal about the writer's life? In addition to telling the reader what happened, does the writer reveal how she thought or felt about the event? In retrospect, as the writer looks back at the event, what does he or she think and feel? Where could the writer include more of his or her thoughts and feelings?.

I love the accounts of swimming in the water, kicking off, counting, and coming up to the surface for air again “skin stinging”….this is all great. I think Ella feels saddened by the passing of Margot and reminiscent of the happy times in the Thousand Islands, but I think there could be more reflection on the pain she felt from being separated by Aunt Margot.

Also, who is Ned and how is his birthday reminiscent of Aunt Margot? Is this her son????

5. At which points in the story could the writer include more exploration of the significance of the event?

I think the event of Margot’s death, which we don’t hear about, could be explored more in the story.

6. Does the writer use vivid, specific, and striking details? Underline each instance of vivid, specific, and striking detail.

In the draft I sent back to Ella, I underlined many moments that I was taken back by the INCREDIBLE use of detail. I really am impressed by some key phrases:

the vintage bicycle with a cantelope and newspaper in the front basket
love handles giving proof that “you sure do love Christmas”
the reference to puffing on clove cigarettes
the movement of the river – crashing and churning, etc…
tie-died birthday cakes

7. Does the writer show rather than tell, using action rather than explanation? Where should the writer show us rather than tell us what happened or transpired?

I really am at a loss to answer this question. Ella has really done a great job of showing us extremely acute detail…

8. Is the story told in a straightforward linear fashion or does the narrator use flashbacks and jump back and forth in time? If flashback is not used, where might it be applicable?

There is jumping, separated by asterisks. I like this technique very much, as it makes the flashbacks individualized.

9. Does the piece begin with a strong lead that engages the readers and interests them? If not, can you suggest an alternate lead?

The lead in of the river and its forgiving, refreshing, renewing qualities is fabulous. I would like to hear more about this at the end, though. If the piece could come full-circle and somehow end once more with the water/river, I would understand the title more and feel a “finished” sense about my journey through Ella’s memoir.

10. Does the memoir have voice? How do you know this is a real person talking to you?

I suggested that Ella would put Aunt Betsy and her mom’s speaking sections in italics, in order to draw attention to them. This part occurs when they both don’t want to go swimming because the water is too cold and they are too old…

11. Does the title serve as a doorway into the story? If not, can you suggest a more appropriate title?

I still struggle somewhat in deciding whether or not the story is mainly about “water”, or if it is about Margot. Yes, the title gives a great doorway into the narrator’s connection with the river. However, I still feel a little bit like Aunt Margot needs a place in the title as well.

12. Do you have any other suggestions that will help the writer improve the memoir?

Over-all, I am so impressed by Ella’s great use of detail and clarity in recounting summers at the water. I felt like I was there with her, and this is very important. Wonderful techniques! -Sofia